


it's certainly not a life (if it's a life without you)

by taeyoooooong



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Cussing, Domestic Bliss, Established Relationship, Fluff, Gen, I got cavities writing this, Lee Jeno is Whipped, Lots of it, Love, M/M, Minor Character Death, Na Jaemin & Nakamoto Yuta Are Siblings, Na Jaemin is Whipped, Slice of Life, Why?, because I said so, jaemin is a forensic science major, jeno is a music theory and composition major, like seriously, nomin, taeyong jeno and donghyuck are siblings, teen only because of my potty mouth
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-26
Updated: 2019-06-26
Packaged: 2020-05-20 07:05:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,420
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19371772
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/taeyoooooong/pseuds/taeyoooooong
Summary: Jeno tries to imagine a life without Jaemin.Hint: he can't.





	it's certainly not a life (if it's a life without you)

Jeno would like to think he was a responsible and self-aware person.

Except for the fact that to everyone else, that is absolute bullshit. Jeno marvels at the fact that he reached the ripe old age of twenty-two. It’s a wonder.

It’s his third all-nighter in a row for an upcoming exam, currently, and he’s running on five cups of coffee. He’s been like the for the entire month of May. Jeno can’t remember for the life of him the last time he’d laid down. However, he could perfectly transpose any song given to him right now in about ten minutes. Oh, the joys of being a music theory and composition major.

He’s about to go insane and compose another little melody when he hears knocking on his dorm door. He doesn’t really want to get up, but it serves as a legitimate excuse to stop looking at his messy notes about music technicalities and composers so he answers the door.

“Woah. You look like shit.”

“Thanks, Jaemin. I try.”

There he is. Jaemin is his _savior._ He’s holding soda, and food. Oh god, _food._ Honestly, Jeno doesn’t really remember the last time he’d had actual food besides instant ramen.

“Babe, I really think you should take a break.”

Jaemin doesn’t wait for an invitation before barging in and setting his things down. Jaemin takes a good look at his dorm. Clothes are strewn everywhere, his backpack is thrown haphazardly on the floor, and papers are cluttering every possible space. Jaemin turns to look back at him with _that_ look. The look of ‘I’m mildly disappointed in you’ and ‘You really need help’. Jeno can only give him a sheepish smile back.

“When was the last time you slept?”

“Today.”

Jaemin raises an eyebrow. “Really?”

“Yeah. I sneezed and I closed my eyes for about ten seconds afterwards.”

“I don’t think that counts. Try again.”

Jeno sighs and rubs his eyes. “Fine. Monday.”

Jaemin’s eyes widen, almost comically. “It’s Thursday!”

“I’m aware. Sort of.”

“What kind of classes do you have to make you stay up for three nights?”

Jeno shrugs. “It’s called procrastination coming to bite me in the butt. I was planning to sleep tonight, honest.”

Jaemin doesn’t say anything, and just pushes Jeno to the couch. He grabs the drinks and food and plops down right next to him.

“Since you haven’t slept at all, I’m assuming you’ve had the bare minimum of food and all that shit too.”

“I mean, I drank three glasses of water and had a protein bar today.”

Jaemin sighs, and hands him a carton of take-out and a soda. “This was the best I could do. I’m going shopping and buying you groceries so I can cook you an actual meal. What would Donghyuck say?”

Jeno’s lips quirk up at the mention of his half-brother. “He’d tell me I’m an idiot and then proceed to do the same thing.”

“I know for a fact he wouldn’t. You know why? I just talked to him yesterday. I told him you were on your bullshit again. He’s coming all the way from America to kick your ass.”

Jeno pales. “When?”

“Next month.”

“I’m a dead man.”

Jaemin smiles, and kisses his cheek. “Oh, yes you are. I’ll kick your ass later. Just eat first.”

Jeno doesn’t say a word as he rapidly shovels japchae into his mouth. He’ll occasionally say a few words as a reaction to some of Jaemin’s stories but that’s that. When the container is empty and his soda can only has a few drops of the liquid left, his exhaustion starts to kick in. Jaemin seems to notice, and smirks.

“Feeling tired yet?”

Jeno nods. “I’m really feeling those all-nighters.”

“Figures.”

Jaemin takes his trash, and along with his own trash, throws it away.  He walks to Jeno’s desk area, and looks at his papers. “When’s the exam?”

“Tomorrow.”

“I think you’ll be fine. I have one tomorrow too, actually.”

“How’s that going?”

“Fine. I already studied.”

“Oh, look at you being all productive.”

Jaemin snorts, loudly enough to startle Jeno out of his food-induced coma. “From what I can gather, you seem to be doing fine too.”

“I don’t know. I’ve studied plenty, but sometimes it feels like I can’t remember anything.”

“But you probably know the material like the back of your hand. Relax.” Jaemin turns off the light at his desk, and tidies his papers into a neat snack.

“Thanks. For the food. You’re the best boyfriend I could ever ask for.”

Jaemin laughs at his drunken state. “Are you okay?”

“No, not really. I’m really tired. But you are a good boyfriend.”

“Mhm. I hope so. Up you go, I’m not letting you sleep on the couch.”

Jaemin helps haul himself to his feet, and Jeno stumbles on his own to the bed. Jaemin smiles fondly at him for a moment before telling him to scoot over, and he clambers in next to him.

“I know you’re stressing out right now. Stop that. You’ve studied enough, and you’ve been playing music for nearly your entire life. Jeno, you’re _fine._ ”

Jaemin then kisses the corner of his mouth, and cuddles closer to him. Jeno kisses his hair, letting out a breath he didn’t notice he was holding.

“Thank you.”

“No problem. Now, please, get some rest.”

Jeno smiles, burying his face in Jaemin’s hair. He forgets about the exam he has tomorrow, forgets about the stupid melodies he’s composed, and rests.

He finally gets to dream about Jaemin instead of being awake with the constant feeling of anxiety looming over him.

It’s a nice feeling.

* * *

 

Jeno’s fiddling with a guitar while writing down notes and melodies and Jaemin is hanging upside down from his bed and scrolling on his phone. Jaemin calls out his name to get his attention. Jeno makes a noise to show that he’s listening, but really, Jeno isn’t. He’s nice that way.

“We should get piercings.”

Jeno looks over at Jaemin from his papers, and stares at him like he grew another head.

“Huh?”

Jaemin rolls his eyes. “I said, we should get piercings.”

“Um, okay. Why?”

“I don’t know. I think it’d be cool.”

Jeno shrugs. “Sure, then. Why not?”

Jaemin takes his hand, and pulls him out of his dorm. They walk for a while until they come into a tattoo and piercing parlor. Jeno in fact, is not sure about his piercing anymore. Sure, he wants a tattoo, but maybe not a piercing. He doesn’t really like the idea of having a metal rod in him.

It’s kind of too late to turn back, so Jeno just accepts his fate. Jaemin ends up choosing a cartilage piercing while Jeno chooses the regular lobe piercing.

“No-fun,” Jaemin sing-songs, and Jeno only sticks his tongue out as a half-ass retort. Somehow, he convinces Jaemin to go first so now Jaemin’s squeezing his hand pretty tightly as the piercer cleans his…piercing thingy? Jeno doesn’t know.

The piercer counts down and as he slides the rod through Jaemin’s ear, Jaemin winces. Jeno really doesn’t feel like getting a piercing anymore. Even though Jaemin was feeling quite a bit of pain earlier, he looks in the hand-held mirror and smiles.

“Jen, this looks _so_ badass.”

Jeno groans. “I don’t know if I still want to do this anymore.”

“I’m going to break up with you if you don’t.”

Jeno’s eyes widen and Jaemin cackles at him. “I’m kidding. But seriously, Jeno. Come on! You’d look hot with a piercing.”

“I’m not getting out of this one, am I?”

“Nope!”

Jeno sighs, and when Jaemin gets off the chair, he reluctantly gets onto it too. He grasps Jaemin’s hand tightly—maybe even tighter than Jaemin held his—and his heart thumps harder and faster inside of his chest as he sees the piercer clean his little tool. He feels about ready to pass out as the piercer counts down, and the only thing grounding him is his tight hold on Jaemin’s hand and _holy shit. He has a piercing._

Jaemin looks so excited, clapping his hands so fast that they’re a blur and he’s bouncing up and down in his seat.

“Babe, that looks great!”

Jeno gives him a weary smile. “I think that just took off three years of my life.”

“Jeno, stop being so dramatic. I swear, you say this every time a stressful event comes your way.”

Jaemin hoists him up, and they walk out of the parlor after hearing a whole speech about how to take care of the piercings and when they can take them out and replace them. Jaemin’s swinging their hands in between them as they walk down the street. He knows the path they’re walking; it’s to an ice cream shop. He hears Jaemin humming a tune he wrote not too long ago, and he smiles as he joins in.

Honestly, Jeno kind of thankful Jaemin asked. Jeno really needs to be kept on his toes. When the occasion comes that Jeno actually is self-aware, Jeno notices he’s pretty boring. He’s sure that if Jaemin wasn’t around, he’d be a rock.

Jeno likes being alive, thank you very much. He also likes kissing Jaemin and hugging Jaemin and singing with Jaemin.

He just likes Jaemin so much that he gets off topic a lot.

So yeah. Jaemin.

* * *

 

It takes one look at his brother’s face to make Jeno’s mood go down. He picks up the picture from his bookshelf; it’s been neglected and is gathering dust. It’s him, his brother Donghyuck, and his older brother Taeyong. Their arms are wrapped around each other and they’re grinning as wide as they possibly can. Jeno remembers that day really clearly. Jeno and Donghyuck had just finished exams and Taeyong took them out to celebrate.

Jeno’s heart clenches as he stares at his older brother Taeyong. He wipes the dust off near Taeyong’s face, as if he was touching it in real life. But it’s been a year since he’s done that. It’s been a year since he’s last seen him.

Oh, and does Jeno miss him.

He misses the way his older brother would hug him.

He misses the way his older brother would ruffle his hair.

He misses the way his older brother would pinch him.

He misses his older brother.

Jeno gently sets the photo back down and finally decides it’s time to see him again. After all, it’s been a while since he’s done so. He almost feels selfish for not seeing him sooner. He calls Jaemin and tells him to meet him outside because he knows Jaemin would want to see him too. When Jaemin arrives, it takes one look at Jeno’s face to bring his mood down. They walk together, down the dreaded but familiar path, stopping at the flower shop to buy two bouquets of cherry blossom branches. They were Taeyong’s favorite. Somehow, the colors of the flowers seemed duller.

Jeno starts crying as soon as he steps into the place. When he takes a look over at Jaemin, he can see him wipe the corners of his eyes.

Jeno wipes his face as he kneels down to place flowers on the gravestone. He brushes away the dead leaves, food wrappers, and dirt. His whimpers and cries are a stark contrast to the warm June weather.

“Hey, Yongie. It’s been a year.”

He sees a few tears drip onto the soil. He knows his older brother would hate to see him cry over him but Jeno can’t help that.

“I miss you. A lot. Jaemin, Yuta, Jaehyun, and basically our entire friend group miss you. Especially Donghyuck. Maybe he misses your cooking more.”

Jeno chuckles dryly. “No, but he’s moved to America since you…passed. I don’t think he could bear to be here anymore after that. I think he still blames himself.”

His legs tire and he finally sits down. “Jaehyun is holding up. He still loves you. And I think he always will. Yuta…he misses being your room-mate.”

He takes a moment to breathe so he doesn’t break down right there. His brother’s death was so untimely and unexpected. He was only twenty-five (almost twenty-six) when he got into a car crash. He was driving Donghyuck back to his apartment since Donghyuck was too drunk to drive home. And then they were in the hospital. The driver had hit Taeyong’s side straight on. They spiraled and then crashed. Donghyuck only had a few scratches and a fractured arm but Taeyong…he succumbed to his injuries a few days later.

“I wish you were still here, Yongie. Y-you deserved to keep living. Y-you didn’t deserve…whatever this is. You would’ve been twenty-seven next month. It wasn’t fair. And it’s still not fair. For you, for Donghyuck, for Jaehyun, for Jaemin, for Mom, for Dad, or for me.”

He feels a hand on his shoulder as he keeps crying. He knows it’s Jaemin and he knows Jaemin is suffering too but he can’t bring himself to care right now.

“I wish I could’ve done something. I-I don’t know what but I just wanted to do _something._ ”

Jeno knows that there was nothing he could’ve done to stop them. He knows that it wasn’t his fault. But he just wants his brother back and he knows there can’t be anything done about that either.

“Anyways I just wanted to say hi. I haven’t visited in a while. I can hear you scolding me.”

He hears Jaemin chuckle, and he stands up. “I hope you’re well, Taeyong. I love you.”

Jeno’s voice cracks as he says the last sentence. His composure cracks along with it and now he’s sobbing into Jaemin’s shoulder as Jaemin holds him. He knows Jaemin isn’t doing too well either judging from the way he’s shaking and he can hear sniffling. But maybe holding Jeno up is keeping him from collapsing too.

“I miss him. I miss him so much.”

Jaemin clears his throat before he speaks. “Me too, Jen.”

They’re both silent, apart from their sniffling. It’s a while before Jaemin breaks the silence. “But I don’t think he’d want us to be sobbing over him. He’d want us to be happy. He wouldn’t want us to be like this.”

Jeno nods. He gets it, he understands. He knows what Jaemin’s saying is true. Taeyong always wanted everyone to be happy. Taeyong was really too nice, too kind. The good souls are always taken first, people say.

Jeno stands there as he watches Jaemin talk to Taeyong. He can see Jaemin laughing tearily, and how he rests his hand on Taeyong’s gravestone. Jeno knows Jaemin is grieving because his hands are shaking and his lower lip is trembling. He briefly hears him say, “I’ll take care of him. I promise.”

Jeno can only assume that Jaemin’s talking about him. He finds it endearing.

Jaemin leaves a bouquet of his own, and then he stands up. He wipes his tears, and then Jeno’s. He takes Jeno’s hand, and together they start walking out of the cemetery.

The next day, they make a donation to animal shelters, schools, and homeless shelters all under Taeyong’s name.

It’s what he would’ve wanted.

It makes Jeno and Jaemin happy to see that they’re helping people, and helping people remember Taeyong.

And that’s what Taeyong would’ve wanted too.

* * *

 

 Jeno’s really not a fan of coffee.

It’s unfortunate his boyfriend is a total fanatic.

He feels immediate regret as soon as he steps into a Starbucks with Jaemin. It’s not like it’s his first time, but really, he’d just rather not be there. But it makes his boyfriend happy so Jeno will do whatever it takes to keep him that way. Even if it’s memorizing his detailed order.

Jeno’s pretty lucky that Starbucks has a multitude of sugary coffees. That’s why every single time he’ll get the caramel frappuccino and will not get anything but that. Jaemin tugs him up to the front, and nudges him to go first. He might as well order for Jaemin too.

“Hi, can I get a grande caramel frappuccino, and a venti iced americano with four extra shots of espresso and no water?”

The cashier’s eyes bug out, and Jeno figures they’re new. He’s heard crazier orders than Jaemin’s, believe it or not.

“Yeah, uh, the second drink isn’t for me. It’s for this one. Don’t worry, he’ll be fine.”

The cashier nods hesitantly, as if he’s scared they’ll sue him when Jaemin inevitably collapses from the caffeine. He tells Jeno the total and asks for his name, and then they’re sitting down at a table.

“I always laugh at their expressions when I get that drink.”

Jeno groans and flicks his forehead. “Babe, I don’t know why you get that. It looks and tastes horrible. It’s most likely horrible for your health too.”

“I’ll be fine. I need that extra boost anyway.”

“For what? It’s the summer. The next semester doesn’t begin for a while, and the last time I checked, forensic chemistry was easy.”

Jaemin throws his head back and laughs. The room seems to brighten a bit, and Jeno can’t help but smile at him. “Oh no, it’s nothing to do about school. I have to deal with you all day, and boy, that is very stressful.”

Jeno hums. “But you love me.”

Jaemin grins and leans over to peck him on the lips. “Yeah. I do.”

When Jeno’s name is finally called, he walks over to the counter. The worker hands him the drinks, and tells him to drink Jaemin’s drink slowly. Jeno laughs.

“Oh, my boyfriend is going to chug it. There’s no use in telling him that anymore.”

The worker tells him his condolences jokingly, and Jeno just laughs as he walks towards his table. He sets Jaemin’s drink in front of him with a straw, and stares at it in disdain.

“Here’s your death drink.”

Jaemin huffs as he sips on his drink. “It’s actually not even bad.”

Jeno takes a large sip of his own drink and shakes his head. “It is bad. It’s just because you’re biased.”

“Maybe.” Jaemin doesn’t say anymore as he scrolls on his social media and sips on his monstrosity of a concoction.

Jeno can’t help but stare. Jaemin’s hair is slightly mussed up—probably from laying on Jeno’s chest for the better part of the morning. His bare face is pretty beautiful, eye bags and small blemishes in all. But then again, Jaemin could look like a clown and Jeno would still think he was the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen. Jeno finds it cute how after every sip Jaemin’s tongue would dart out to lick his lips. The way the morning sun filters in through the windows and hits Jaemin’s face just right makes him glow, as cliché as it is, and it’s literally impossible to make Jeno fall in love even further—he’s hit the bottom of the ‘loving Na Jaemin' pit. There’s no way he could ever fall out of love with him.

Jeno is shaken out of his daily day dream of Jaemin with a snort.

“Is there something on my face? You can just tell me instead of smiling like a goof.”

Jeno’s face heats up, and he looks back down at his drink.

“Oh honey, were you looking at me?”

Jeno’s face grows impossibly redder, and he weakly slaps Jaemin. “Nope. Get your head out of your ass.”

“We’ve been dating for like, six years. You’ve certainly seen more than just my face. I don’t know why you’re so flustered.”

Jeno buries his face in his hands as Jaemin laughs loudly at him, drawing the attention of other people. “Jaemin, oh my god.”

“Okay, okay. I’m sorry. Now hurry up and finish your drink so we can go!”

“Go where?”

“I don’t know. I just want to go _somewhere_.”

Ah, there it is. The spontaneity. Honestly, Jeno kind of liked it. He threw away his cup and followed Jaemin out the door, hand in hand. The wind blows through their hair, and messes up the pink mop of Jaemin’s hair even further. It’s kind of cute. Jaemin finds a plushie shop, and slowly turns to Jeno, wide grin slipping onto his face. There’s a pleading glint in his eyes.

Jeno knows he can’t say no.

He begrudgingly nods, and Jaemin fist pumps the air before rushing over to Jeno and giving him a kiss. He nearly topples them both over, but Jeno doesn’t mind at all.

When he finally gets inside of the store, he starts to mind a little bit. It’s way too bright, way too happy and cheery, and what the _hell_ is that smell?

And god damn these things are expensive.

Jeno’s nose is starting to suffer and his wallet is _definitely_ going to suffer later.

But when he offers to pay for it and just says ‘get whatever you want’, Jaemin’s eyes light up and his smile just gets so much wider and his eyes crinkle.

And suddenly it’s all worth it. Yeah, he just spent like a hundred dollars on stuffed animals.

Yeah, they’re probably going to end up in the plushie closet.

Yeah, they’re going to take up space on Jaemin’s bed for a while, so when he comes over to sleep in Jaemin’s dorm or apartment his back will suffer from the weird positions he’ll have to contort into.

But it makes Jaemin smile at him so brightly and makes him kiss Jeno sloppily in his excitement, and yeah, those things seem so small and insignificant, but…

It somehow makes him fall even more.

It’s the little things that make him love Jaemin.

* * *

 

Having room-mates was something Jeno never wanted.

Jeno just didn’t like people. They were kind of bothersome. It’s a miracle he’s gotten a close friend group of seventeen other people (including Jaemin and his brother Yuta, and Donghyuck). He wonders how that happened. But unfortunately, a lot of those friends have graduated college, and the ones that are still in college have room-mates too, or go to different colleges.

Jeno is not really up to the challenge to make more friends. And Jeno’s living habits might seem weird. Heck, Jeno just didn’t want anyone in his space most of the time.

Which is why it surprises him when he wants Jaemin to move in with him.

Well, it doesn’t really surprise him, because Jaemin’s at his apartment (or dorm, depending on what time of the year it is) probably more than Jaemin is at his place.

But it just seems so permanent. It mildly scares Jeno.

He’s not doubtful of the fact that he wants Jaemin, if anything, Jaemin’s the only thing in his life that Jeno will never have doubts about.

Jeno’s scared to ask him though. What if he says no? That would be a pretty awkward situation that Jeno did not want to deal with.

However, when Jaemin’s back is pressed against his chest and Jeno’s arms are wrapped loosely around his waist, he can’t help but have the urge to ask him. Jaemin’s wearing his hoodie, which is pretty large on him, so it’s kind of hanging off one shoulder. Jaemin reaches up to rub his eye, and _oh man, he has sweater paws._ Love blooms in his chest, and he rests his chin on Jaemin’s shoulder.

“Nana?”

“Yeah?” He doesn’t look away from the TV.

“I have to ask you something. It’s kind of important.”

At that, Jaemin tears his eyes, away, and turns to look at him. “Okay. What’s up?”

“So, don’t feel pressured to say yes or anything, but I’ve been thinking about this recently…only if you want to, would you like to move in with me?”

Jaemin blinks. For a moment, Jeno thinks he messed up, but then Jaemin laughs.

“You sound so scared. Did you think I’d say no?”

Jeno sheepishly nods.

“Oh my gosh, you actually thought I’d say no!”

Jaemin turns in Jeno’s lap to face him. “I’d love to move in with you.”

Jeno beams at him, and kisses him softly on the lips. Jaemin smiles into the kiss, and in turn so does Jeno. They end up giggling and breaking apart, and resorting to leaning their foreheads against each other’s since the kiss eventually became mostly teeth instead of lips.  

“So, what made you ask? I know you like your alone time.”

Jeno shrugs. “I don’t know. It’s you…why wouldn’t I?”

Jaemin looks surprised. “Oh.”

Jeno sighs, and knows it’s kind of his fault. It’s pretty rare that he initiates affection or tells Jaemin he loves him and cares for him. Jaemin knows, but probably not to the extent that Jeno actually cares for him. You’d think after six years, Jeno would be better at this. Often times, Jeno hopes the things he does for Jaemin shows how much he loves him.

Jeno takes one of Jaemin’s hands, and kisses his knuckles, rubbing them with his thumb afterwards. “Hey, I love you. Like, a lot. More than I could ever love myself, probably. If there was one person where I’d have to spend the rest of my time with, it’d probably be you.”

Jaemin smiles softly at him, and lets him continue. “And I know I don’t say these things a lot, but I hope you know that I think them. Jaemin, I don’t think you actually know how much I love you. That’s my fault. And I hope from now on, I can show you in every way that I can. I promise.”

Jaemin barely lets him finish before kissing him passionately on the lips. He topples them over onto the couch, and Jeno only pulls him closer. When they break apart, Jaemin can’t help but laugh.

“Damn. That was one hell of a speech, Jeno. I approve.”

“Moment ruined.”

Jaemin shakes his head, and brushes away hair from Jeno’s eyes. “I love you.”

“I love you too.”

Jaemin smiles, and Jeno does too.

Finally, Jaemin knows.

* * *

 

Jeno puts that promise into effect really quickly. It surprises a lot of people around them.  It happens first when Jeno, Jaemin, Donghyuck, Jaehyun, and Yuta are hanging out. Donghyuck was visiting (he did end up kicking Jeno’s ass), and Yuta decided to stop by since he hadn’t seen them in a while.

“America is pretty different. I don’t know if I like it better here, or there. But I’m visiting Canada a lot with Mark, too. So maybe, I like Canada more.”

They laugh at Donghyuck’s indecisiveness. Jaemin comes back downstairs, and smiles at them. “I’m going out to get food. You guys want anything in particular?”

“Burgers. I really miss In-and-Out.”

Jaemin rolls his eyes, but nods. “Alright then. It’s not like you’ve only been here for a week.”

Jeno chuckles and turns to him to peck his lips. “Love you tons.”

“Love you too. Be back soon!” Jaemin waves before grabbing his keys and wallet, then heads out of the apartment. Jeno turns back to the three staring at him.

“Are you really Jeno? Did you just show affection in front of three other people?”

Jeno rolls his eyes. “I didn’t tell you guys this, did I?”

They shake their heads. “Well, I asked Jaemin to move in with me. He seemed shocked that I did, and I figured it’s kind of my fault. I don’t really let on how much I care about him, so I promised I’d show it more.”

Donghyuck gags, but is actually hiding a huge grin. Jeno can tell. Yuta ‘awws’, and shakes a grinning Jaehyun back and forth.

Yuta smiles warmly at him. “You really love him, don’t you?”

Jeno scratches the back of his neck, embarrassed. “Yeah. I really do.”

“Then, take care of him for me.”

Jeno claps him on the shoulder. “I will.”

* * *

 

Jaemin moves in the next month, since that’s when the lease on his apartment conveniently ends. Yuta and Jaehyun are there to help out. Jeno is very thankful for that; there are a shit-ton of boxes. Jeno knows a good bunch of those boxes are plushies, though.

However, the four of them still end up drenched in sweat. The July heat is unforgiving at times. Yuta’s shirt gets soaked, and Jaehyun seems like he’s about to pass out.

“We’re gonna head home. Jaehyun doesn’t look too good.”

Jaehyun is a little red in the face, and he nods. “Yep. I don’t feel that good either.”

They wave, and congratulate them as they leave. Jeno decides that if he’s going to keep lifting boxes like this, he was not going to have a wet fabric on him. He gets rid of the offensive fabric, and throws it somewhere on his couch. Jaemin whistles.

“Jaemin!”

He cackles and keeps on moving the boxes. It didn’t take very long to finish, and then they started the journey of unpacking. Jeno never realized how much stuff Jaemin actually had.

When they finished, it was five in the evening. They’d been moving since the morning. With all of Jaemin’s things settled into the apartment, it didn’t really look much different. But it looked so much better than Jeno’s bland apartment before. Against Jaemin’s better judgement, he flung himself into Jeno’s arms. They were both drenched in sweat, and Jaemin voiced his displeasure.

“I regret that.”

Disregarding their sticky skin being pressed together almost uncomfortably, Jeno sighed happily. Right now, the only thing he could pay attention to was Jaemin.

“I love you. I’m so lucky to have you, you know that?”

“Hey, why are you getting all soft on me now? It’s only five.”

Jeno shrugged. “I don’t know. It’s probably the exhaustion.”

“Well, I love you too.”

Jeno hums in contentment, pressing their foreheads together. He slowly rocked them around the room to the soft music playing in the background, feeling a sense of belonging as the birds chirped and little rays of the setting sun pierced through the window. A breeze brushed through Jeno’s room, fluttering Jeno’s baby blue curtains.

It wasn’t much, but at the same time it felt like everything.

Jeno, for the first time since he’d moved into the apartment years ago, felt at home.

* * *

 

So, Jeno was in trouble.

Tomorrow would be Jaemin’s birthday, and Jeno still did not know what to get him. He decides phoning Yuta would help him a little.

It did not.

Jeno finally got an idea after stuffing his face with chocolate. He went to a jewelry store, and got a bracelet with Jaemin’s birthstone, peridot.

He wrapped it up, and it actually looked nice. Jeno had improved in his gift-wrapping skills. Jeno still was not satisfied with that, and kept stuffing his face with chocolate. Maybe that would help.

To his surprise, it actually did.

This idea involved paper, a photobook, and a lot of colorful markers.

The next day, when Jaemin woke up, Jeno made sure to cook him breakfast in bed. Jaemin always made it clear that he was not a morning person, and if presented with the opportunity to eat in bed, he would take it.

Jeno watches him fondly as Jaemin nibbled on the avocado toast and sunny-side-up eggs. When he finishes, Jeno takes the plates and dumps them into the sink. He returned with his gifts in hand.

“Hm. You got busy yesterday?”

Jeno nods. “Yep.”

Jeno hands him the box with the bracelet first. He knew his second gift would probably overshadow that. Jaemin ungracefully tears open the paper, and opens the box. Hints of a smile starts to form on his face.

“I love it. It’s so pretty.”

Jaemin motions for Jeno to put it on for him, and he admires it as he holds it up to the light. It looked slightly out of place as Jaemin is still in his BT21 pajamas, but it's very endearing.

Then, Jeno hands over the photobook. Jaemin opens the cover, and was met by a little note at the beginning.

_To my darling Jaemin,_

_Happy birthday! We’ve celebrated many of these together, and this is just another one for the books (ha, get it? Cuz I got you this photobook?). I made you this because I wanted to show you the amazing memories that we’ve made this year, starting from your birthday last year. I know that we’ll make many more. I’m going to keep this message short, because we all know I’m going to turn very cheesy later on and shower you with affection. So, Jaemin, my love, I hope you have a wonderful day. May this year be a happy one._

_Love,_

_Jeno._

Jaemin looks up at him, smiling, then looks back down at the photobook. As Jaemin flips through the pages, he was met with the nostalgia that the pictures brought. There must’ve been more than a hundred, but only a few really stood out.

There was a picture of his birthday last year.

There was a picture of them getting coffee.

There was a picture of them shopping.

There was a picture of all of their friends hanging out.

And finally, there was a picture of them moving in.

When Jaemin reached the end of the book, his eyes are wet with tears. He looks at the inside of the back cover to find another note.

_To the Jaemin who I cannot live without,_

_I love you. Please never stop being you._

Jaemin closes the book and sets it aside gently, and hugs Jeno tightly.

“Thank you, Jeno. It-It means a lot to me.”

Jeno squeezes him back. “Your welcome. I know how sentimental you are, and I thought it was time for me to try it out.”

“I must say, you’re very good at being sentimental.”

Jeno grins. “Great! Now, let’s go get cake.”

Jaemin excitedly hops out of bed, and runs to the kitchen. Jeno followew him with fond eyes.

He really couldn’t live without him.

Not for a second.

* * *

 

It was now the end of August. Summer was nearing its end, and that meant the evenings were cool enough to go out. Jaemin has dragged Jeno out to go camping, and Jeno isn’t the biggest fan.

“Come on, Jen. It’ll be fun!”

“You and I have different definitions of fun.”

Jaemin scoffs, and pulls Jeno towards the campsite. Jeno moans in desperation. He _really_ did not want to go. “Jeno, please.”

Jaemin stares at him, puppy dog eyes and pout. Jeno won't stand a chance, and relents. Sighing, he picks up the tent and bag filled with their things. Instantly, Jaemin brightens, and he pulls Jeno along. Jeno sets their things down with a clunk, and reluctantly starts setting up the tent.

By the time it's set up, Jeno's adamant that he would never go camping again.

“Oh come on, Jen. Stop complaining. It’s not even that bad.”

Jaemin pulls out metal rods, and reaches inside the bag to pull out marshmallows, chocolate, and graham crackers.

“Finally, some good fucking food.”

Jaemin tsk’s at him. “We had a decent dinner.”

“Jaemin. Don’t lie to yourself. You know that restaurant let you down.”

Jaemin groans. “Okay, fine. So what if it did?”

Jeno smirks in victory. “Nothing. Nothing at all.”

Jeno finally sits down next to Jaemin on the log, and Jaemin hands him a rod with a marshmallow skewered on it. Jaemin’s marshmallow is nearly burnt to a crisp, and Jeno stares at it in disgust.

“I still don’t understand why you like it burnt to a crisp.”

Jeno only roasted his marshmallow so it had a crispy outside, but the inside was soft and gooey. Maybe it’s because that’s what he was like in real life.

“I don’t know. Been doing this since I was a kid.”

“Yeah, I know. You fed it to me once. Nearly threw up.”

Jaemin doesn’t answer. They kept roasting their marshmallows and making smores. Jeno is sure by the time he was done, he’s eaten his body weight in smores.

It's nighttime by the time they're done stuffing themselves with smores. Jaemin quickly cleans up, and throws their trash away in a trashcan not too far away. When Jaemin finally returns, it seemed he had an idea.

“Jen, we have to stargaze.” Jaemin puts an emphasis on ‘have’.

Jeno shrugs. “Sure.”

Jaemin grabs a blanket, and spreads it on the floor. Jeno sits down first, and Jaemin plops down on his lap.

“You know, I’ve actually never done this.”

Jaemin turns to look at him incredulously. “Never?”

Jeno smiles guiltily. “I didn’t care for it.”

The pair falls into a comfortable silence. Jeno closes his eyes and felt a slight breeze play with his hair. Warmth radiates off of Jaemin’s back, spreading it through Jeno’s chest.

“You had fun, didn’t you?”

Jeno rolls his eyes and sighs. “You got me. Okay, sweetheart. Do yourself a favor and look at the stars.”

Jaemin grins cheekily, and sticks his tongue out. He did end up tilting his head back up to the stars. Jeno can’t help but rest his chin on Jaemin’s shoulder.

He feels calm, and now is the perfect time for Jeno to reflect. Sometimes, Jeno likes to take a step back and take a good look.

Jeno sees a lot of things. And the favorite thing he sees is Jaemin.

In the mornings, he often sees a grumpy, but still adorable Jaemin. Some nights, Jeno will see a tipsy and giggly Jaemin. Pretty rarely he’ll see a sad Jaemin, and often times he’ll see a soft and happy Jaemin.

Jeno is shaken out of his stupor when Jaemin shifts in his lap, somehow pressing himself closer to Jeno. Jeno snakes an arm around Jaemin’s waist, and uses his other hand to hold Jaemin’s. Jeno’s presses a small kiss on Jaemin’s neck, and Jaemin turns his head to face him. Jaemin kisses him softly, and when they part, Jaemin as a mouth-splitting grin on his face. Jeno can only admire him and smile back at the stars in Jaemin’s eyes. Jeno decided that those stars were the prettiest types of stars. He thinks this is the soft and happy Jaemin for sure.

Their attention is turned back up to the stars, late summer air making them feel free.

And it’s the moments like these that make Jeno try to get a grasp on not having Jaemin. Not having _this._

And really, it’s impossible. What is a life without Jaemin at all?

Certainly not Jeno’s.

**Author's Note:**

> just shameless fluff. very therapeutic lol  
> in conclusion I'm a sucker for domestic life ok  
> thanks for reading!
> 
> p.s. i'm also looking for a beta so hmu bbys  
> p.p.s happy pride month from your resident ace and biromantic


End file.
